The Pain Points Or Rather Points Of Potential Growth
If you do find your father, you may need to prepare yourself for:
- A sense of awkwardness and disconnection when you first meet, which might not ease with time
- The realisation that your new family is like any other family with its own trouble and strife
- Potential jealousy yours and that of other members of the family
- A potentially jealous partner if your dad is all you can talk about, and all your love, care and attention are directed towards them.
- Having to deal with two sides of the story your mums and your dads.
- Disappointment if hes not the kind of person youd hoped he would be.
- A lingering doubt: Is he really my father?
Get Expert Help Finding Your Birth Father
Searching for a birth father can be a difficult and lonely process. Expert help is available! Read 4 steps to discovering your birth roots, and explore more do-it-yourself resources from Your DNA Guide that can help you in your search.
Not so much a do-it-yourselfer? If you want free help finding birth parents from volunteer search angels, reach out to my team at DiscoverFamily.net
Thank you to Troy Olson, the Co-Founder of DiscoverFamily.net, for writing this guest blog post.
Our team of search angels has helped thousands of people to find their birth parent. Over half of the requests we receive are people searching for their biological father. In this post, we want to help those who specifically want to know how to find their biological father without knowing his name. Here are the ways we approach searches when the names are not known. Please read and consider all of them for your search.
Request Your Original Birth Certificate
Depending on what US state you were born in, you may be able to request your original birth certificate. See a breakdown of the laws of each state. This typically only works for those who were adopted. In our experience, it rarely has both the birth mothers name and the birth fathers name. Its one possibility, so we list it here. Born in the U.K.? Read Finding Birth Parents in the U.K.
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Pulling It All Together: Johanness Story
A great example of using family trees, ethnicity, and some Googling and social media to find birth parents is the story of MyHeritage user Johannes Nielson.
Johannes discovered through his ethnicity results that he was half-Korean and half-West-European. Based on this information, he correctly guessed that his father was an American soldier and his mother a native of Korea whom his father had met while stationed there. This allowed Johannes to narrow his search to American males who were 1825 years old in 1974, and when he received a DNA Match with a family tree, he identified his father on the tree using those details.
He Googled his fathers name and found an obituary that mentioned the small town where he lived. Then he found a Facebook group for that small town, joined it, and asked the group members for information about his father and one woman replied that she was that mans niece.
It turned out that Johanness birth parents had never meant to place him for adoption. Theyd been forced to leave him with a family friend while he recovered from tuberculosis, and when they returned to bring him to the United States, he had vanished and they were told he had died.
Thanks to Johanness skillful leveraging of his DNA ethnicity results, DNA Matches, family trees, Google, and social media, he was reunited with the mother who thought shed lost him forever as well as his 3 biological brothers.
Discover Who Your Real Dad Is And What To Expect When You Find Him
Youre looking for your biological father. I can only imagine how confused and out of sorts you feel right now:
- Perhaps you discovered by accident that the person you thought was your birth dad, isnt .
- Or you were told the truth recently or some time ago or
- Maybe you knew from a young age that your father had disappeared for unknown reasons.
- Perhaps you grew up feeling that you were somehow different from your siblings.
- Or youve always known that you were adopted and know who he is but not where he is.
In this article, youll discover:
- What you need to know before searching for your biological dad, including:
- 6 potential effects of not knowing your real father
- Why you have a right to know
- 11 reasons your mother might be reluctant to cooperate
- What to do and expect when you meet him
Chances are, youve been pulled between curiosity, the need to know and the fear of finding out.
Youll have tons of questions, I suspect anything from: Have I inherited my looks from him, or the colour of my skin? to Does he also like this music or that food?
Whatever it is, its likely to come with a desperate longing to feel whole by finding that missing piece of yourself. You long to know who you really are.
I also suspect youre feeling pretty miffed, disappointed and hurt that your father never seems to have bothered to find or contact you.
Doesnt he want you? Doesnt he care? Is he embarrassed or even ashamed about your existence? Does he even know about you?
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Intelius Phone Number Search
Look up phone number on 50+ social networks.
Also, you can navigate to its official website:
Use A People Search Tool
If you have some personally identifying information with you, such as your papas name, phone number, email address, photos, or social media user name, you can put the information into a search to see if it yields something useful.
To help you determine if the person is really your father, youll need some minor details, e.g. the schools where your dad attended, eye color , his profession, and so on.
Once you have all the information in place, now its time to dive in.
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Take A Dna Test With Family Finder
If you have little to no information about your father or your efforts of search hit a brick wall, consider taking an autosomal DNA test with FamilyTreeDNAs Family Finder. All you have to do is to collect a sample of your cells, send it to FamilyTreeDNA and wait as it updates you with the results. Normally, your data will be compared to others in its database to find relatives from either side of your ancestral lines.
If your father has taken the test, then congratulations youll get a direct match. Even if he doesnt, a close relative may have, and Family Finder will constantly update the database as more users join.
Thats it 2 methods to help you trace your biological father, even though you may not know his name. Hopefully, it has helped. Whats your experiences or stories of finding your biological parent? Youre more than welcome to share with us inthe comments, below. Thanks.
How Genealogists Use Dna To Find A Biological Father
Genealogists have been using DNA to find a birth mother or birth father for many years. They have also used it to learn more about a persons family history.
Genealogists used to have to search DNA genealogy databases that werent as populated as they are now. Thats why they had to count on many other ways to collect information – sometimes traveling the world to collect information.
With the advent of sites like ancestry.com, genealogists can sit in front of a computer in their home to do their research. They can even see records that they once had to travel millions of miles away for because they have been scanned and stored online.
How does this help adoptive parents?
DNA and adoption go hand-in-hand. Adoptive parents who want to help their adopted child find their biological relatives can do a lot these days without the help of a genealogist. With a simple DNA test, they can search DNA databases online to find their adopted childs birth parents.
In addition to finding the childs biological mother and father through DNA, they learn more about their childs ethnicity through the close matches that come up from the DNA results.
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Sign Up On Reunion Websites
You never know, maybe your father or his relatives have tried to find you. Even if they havent, the International Soundex Reunion Registry is an organization that arranges reunions among estranged relatives. You will have to download an application form and fill in your details. It is free to use this website.
The ISRR has been reuniting families for over forty years so you can be sure that the match will be accurate. They have the largest passive registry in America. Adopted children over 18 years, birth parents, and adoptive parents of adopted children under 18 years are eligible to use this service.
Note that the ISRR is a passive registry meaning it does not actively search for your birth parents. However, there are active registries that charge a fee to do the work of finding your relative.
We hope our tips help you in your search to find your birth father. If you do find him, keep in mind that finding your father does not mean that you have to contact him. A lot of emotional preparation is required for such an event.
Take your time to find out everything you can about him before deciding to take that final step. It is not easy seeing your dad for the first time or after a long time. Finding your father might be all that you need to be able to move on. Take it one step at a time until you are ready to make contact.
How Do We Help
Adopted.com uses an industry-leading search tool to reunite you with your biological father. By registering you enter the largest adoption reunion registry in the world, offering you the best possible chance of connecting with your birth father. New DNA Matching features are also available to further increase your chances for success.
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S To Finding Your Biological Father
What do you do if youve never known who your biological father is? I recently asked Alexa and got unsatisfactory answers. Alexa, it seems, thinks that the way to find out your biological father is to have a name. NO KIDDING ALEXA! She even went as far as suggesting that you ask your mother. But what do you do if you are adopted and the adoption is not open? Or if youve never known your biological father and your mother is being less than helpful. She either doesnt know or isnt willing to tell. What about those of us who thought we KNEW our biological fathers? We took an at-home DNA test and found out that SURPRISE! What we thought we knew about our biological father is, is completely, patently false.
Steps to Finding Your Biological Father:
1) Take an Ancestry DNA Test
2) Get your Results
Its a long 4-6 weeks while you are waiting for those results to come in! We understand! While you are waiting, you can start building your tree on your known-families side, if applicable. When we begin work, we like to have your name, your date and place of birth, and Moms name and date of birth filled in. Anything else is just gravy. One your results populate, resist the urge to sort and color code you matches, your Angel will appreciate it!
3) Reach out to DNAngels
4) Be assigned a Search Angel
5) Be Cooperative
6) Be Patient!
7) Get Your Answer*
Reasons Why Your Mother Might Want The Identity Of Your Father To Remain A Secret
Why am I confronting you with all this?
Considering all these possibilities may help you suspend any judgements about your mums decisions.
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Finding My Birth Father
How do I find my birth father, my biological father, without a name?
I really want to know who my father is.
Is DNA the answer? Will DNA help me find my dad?
Why is it important to know who your father was?
For many people there is a big hole in their lives, half of their story is untold. They cant reflect on who they most look like, or whether their musical talent is inherited, they have no idea whether their love for Ireland is because of their roots, or where their green eyes come from. When they travel on the train on a long journey, they dont have the chance to look out of the window and remember that their ancestors came from a village just over that hill. They want to know if their father was a kind man or funny, generous or fond of his food, sporty or artistic, was he good with his hands or a clever clogs? Could they be proud of him? Would he be proud of them?
And then there are the health reasons. How do you answer questions about whether there is heart disease or glaucoma in your family when you dont even know who your family are? What if there is a predisposition to something you need to be aware of, but you dont know you are supposed to look out for it?
What circumstances lead to people wanting to find out who their father was?
How can you find out who your father was?
How to find your biological father without a name
Most people dont have a name though some people know nothing at all. Thankfully, it is perfectly possible to find him without.
Look For A Second Cousin Or Closer Match
Matches are ranked starting with the closest, and the website predicts a relationship for each one. You might find a parent or sibling on your match list, making things simple. Otherwise, you want a second cousin or closer match. You can go through the process with more-distant cousins, but itll be significantly more complicated and time-intensive.
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Reach Out To Dna Matches
The next step is to reach out to any of your DNA matches through the testing websites message system. When you use a DNA testing method to find your biological father, consider the following before you reach out to them.
What Is The Best Way To Find Biological Parents
The best place to start looking for Birth Parents, even if you cannot access adoption records, is a Mutual Consent registry such as International Soundex Reunion Registry . Mutual consent registries require both parties to register on the site to make a reunion possible.
How can I find my biological father without DNA?
How to find a biological father without his name
How do I find my biological child?
Get a copy of the state law on adoption records from the state in which you placed your child. This information can be found online, at your local library, or from your member of Congress or local state representatives.
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Our Mantra For Birth Father Searches
Our team has a mantra we use for birth father searches, Paternity is always in question. This means that we usually do not take any details or evidence provided as 100 percent accurate when it comes to determining and locating a birth father. In some cases, a birth mother may have been totally sober and aware at the time of conception and had no other sexual relations. But in many or most cases we work on there was frequently drugs and/or alcohol involved, as well as more than one possible sexual partner who could be the birth father. The simple logistics of the situation mean that the birth father only had to be present for a few moments. We have worked on cases where the birth mother refuses to divulge or simply doesnt know. We dont mean to offend, but we typically approach birth father searches needing concrete evidence. The most tangible evidence available is a DNA test or a paternity test.