Loving Someone Is More Permanent
Loving someone is long-lasting. Even if the person you love aggravates or disappoints you , you’ll continue to care about them on some level. It’s part of the reason that you can still love your ex long after a breakuploving another person is deeply ingrained. “Growing to love the real person and accepting who they are, with both strengths and weaknesses, can make a wonderful difference in your relationship,” McCoy says. ” it to become a lasting source of comfort, emotional safety, and a wonderfully sustainable joy. When you see each other realistically and come to know each other well, youre less likely to disappoint each other.”
Growing to love the real person and accepting who they are, with both strengths and weaknesses, can make a wonderful difference in your relationship.
Is There Always One Person You Never Get Over
Yep, we all have that one person we never really get over. The many nights your mind, heart and soul had assured you that youre 100% over this person go to waste. Youre still stuck. You hate yourself for it, but its true.
Being In Love Can Fade Over Time
When youre in love, deep feelings can be fleeting. Intense adoration can become indifferent as time passes, and your partner’s novelty can wear off. Being in love with someone today isn’t a guarantee that you’ll feel the same way forever: “As phases tend to do, passes as jobs, bills, children, conflicts, aging parents, and other realities of long-term love begin to push those fantasies aside,” McCoy says. “Its hard to harbor glamorous illusions close-up over time.”
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There’s No Such Thing As Everlasting Love
A new book argues that the emotion happens in “micro-moments of positivity resonance.”
In her new book Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become, the psychologist Barbara Fredrickson offers a radically new conception of love.
Fredrickson, a leading researcher of positive emotions at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, presents scientific evidence to argue that love is not what we think it is. It is not a long-lasting, continually present emotion that sustains a marriage it is not the yearning and passion that characterizes young love and it is not the blood-tie of kinship.
Rather, it is what she calls a “micro-moment of positivity resonance.” She means that love is a connection, characterized by a flood of positive emotions, which you share with another personany other personwhom you happen to connect with in the course of your day. You can experience these micro-moments with your romantic partner, child, or close friend. But you can also fall in love, however momentarily, with less likely candidates, like a stranger on the street, a colleague at work, or an attendant at a grocery store. Louis Armstrong put it best in “It’s a Wonderful World” when he sang, “I see friends shaking hands, sayin ‘how do you do?’ / They’re really sayin’, ‘I love you.'”
“My conception of love,” she tells me, “gives hope to people who are single or divorced or widowed this Valentine’s Day to find smaller ways to experience love.”
Does True Love Last A Lifetime
True love endures forever. True love is meeting your soul mate, whom God created specifically for you, loving them, and being content to spend the rest of your life and the life after death with that person, adoring them alone. When you find genuine love, you realize you can’t live without them and would rather die than lose them!!
The history of love shows that it is not only human beings who fall in love. Animals show affection for each other too. A cat will always have affection for its owner, a dog for its master. Even plants show love towards one another: a plant will often sacrifice itself to protect another plant or part of its body. In fact, science now knows that animals reason about what they call “love” and humans should not view this as different from love itself.
Love is an emotion that we feel when we care deeply for someone or something. Love is also a decision that we make when we choose to act in accordance with our feelings for someone or something. This means that love can never be forced – only shown through our actions.
When you think about it, love is really just a choice you make every day. You can decide to love or dislike someone, to love something or someone else. You can even choose to love yourself! But whatever choice you make, it will affect your life.
In order for love to grow over time, there needs to be a constant showing of affection.
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Dont Know Much Biology But I Do Know That I Love You
Fredricksons theory is love boils down to biology. More specifically, she chalks feelings of love up to mirror neurons, oxytocin, and vagal tone. We might consider this trio of responses to be the Big Three of love.
When two people connect, Fredrickson told us via email, peoples neural firings come into synchrony across widespread areas of the brain minutes later, they show synchrony in surges of oxytocin, the neuropeptide implicated in bonding.
In other words, people really can feel love at first sight.
The process works like this:
Process Of Disaffection: Breaking Up
When relationships are new, partners tend to give one another the benefit of the doubt and focus on what they like about one another. Flaws and imperfections do not go unnoticed rather, they are described as endearing qualities. So, for example, the partner who has a very large nose is described as distinguished or as having a striking feature. This is very exhilarating because features that someone may have previously felt self-conscious about are now accepted or even appreciated. However, once partners begin the process of breaking up, these views are abandoned and questionable qualities are once again flaws and imperfections.
Kersten provides a look at the dynamics of breaking up. Although this work is primarily about divorce, the dynamics of dissolving any long-term relationship are similar. The beginning phase of breaking up involves seeing imperfections in the relationship but remaining hopeful that things will improve. This improvement will require the partners cooperation because they are primarily at fault. So, as long as the offending partner makes the necessary changes, and of course the offended partner will provide the advice, support, and guidance required, the relationship will continue.
In the end phase, the decision to leave has been made. The specific details are being worked out. Turning a relationship around is very difficult at this point. Trust has diminished, and thoughts have turned elsewhere. This stage is one of hopelessness.
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Real Love Has Myriad Forms Of Expression
One of thereasons love is so hard to define is that it manifests in many differentforms. Love has been represented in fivelove languages in a book entitled, TheFive Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He details what he considers to be the five key elements of love:-
- Spendingtime together
This listcould equally apply to parental love and familial love as well as romanticlove. Interestingly, he does not includesex, desire or lust. How I do lovethee, let me count the ways from Sonnet 43 by Elizabeth Barrett Browning is used repeatedly at weddings and for Chapmans list of five, there areprobably many more which could be added.
Many psychologistsactually consider romantic love a modern invention. In focusing on this elementalone of love, there is a danger of missing something more deep andmeaningful. The classical masters, Platoand Aristotle, most prominently but amongst others defined different types oflove. Eros is passionate or sexuallove which is probably closest to the modern concept of falling in love. It is depicted as a type of madness. Then there is philia or in simple terms,friendship and virtue. The best philiais born out of eros so it is the bond of friendship that lovers have betweeneach other. This is what Plato cites asthe gold standard, it operates on a higher level than lust and desire.
Being In Love Can Be Easily Shaken
When youre in love with someone, your connection may not be strong enough to make it through challenges unfazed. For example, you may be head-over-heels for your partner, but as soon as real problems arise, you start to feel distant from them or question their ability to outlast hard times. When you feel a deeper love for your long-term partner, the passion can continue to burn through life’s challenges without flickering or fading away. In the beginning, you can be in love but not know each other well enough to overcome obstacles together. “As you relax into the relationship and accept each other realistically, there is a greater chance that those times when you arent so witty, when youre a little cranky, or when you disagree will not be deal-breakers,” McCoy says. “When youre in love, you tend to be on your best behavior and expect your loved one to do the same.”
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People Who Believe In True Love Are More Likely To Ghost Their Ex
Worse still, they may exit the relationship in a less-than-charitable manner. People who believe in true love are more likely to ghost their ex-partners avoiding contact until the other person gives up speaking to you. Perhaps because the ghoster does not feel it is worth the investment to try to maintain the relationship if the other person is not ideal for them and does not see the benefit in providing feedback. They dont see it as a negative thing to do, says Gili Freedman, a psychologist at St Mary’s College of Maryland, who studies social rejection. Your score on the growth scale had less of an effect overall, although, if you scored highly for growth you were more likely to feel negative about ghosting.
People with “destiny” beliefs about love tend not to discuss their relationship issues, which can lead to growing resentments
If they dont break up over an issue and still believe that theyve found their true love the destiny believer may simply overlook the issue altogether. Destiny believers tend to be more forgiving of a partner and more likely to avoid a fight because they want to believe that this person is their soulmate, says Franiuk. That could be positive for minor disagreements. But if youre avoiding big conflict you end up staying with someone who is not good for you.
The “growth” beliefs about relationships tend to lead to better communication and greater long-term satisfaction. Problems can even make the couple stronger
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The benefits of agape have been highlighted by research. Selfless caring is associated with deep love, intimate communication, relationship satisfaction, loyalty and commitment. Couples in agape relationships are likely to deal more effectively with stress by supporting each other and by dealing with problems jointly, promoting their sense of we-ness. Employing healthy coping strategies can deepen commitment and strengthen satisfaction with the relationship.
But are there costs to loving in such a selfless way? What are the psychological consequences of altruistic love? One would anticipate that the strong commitment and deep bond would mean great emotional pain if the relationship fails. As expected, research suggests that the end of such a rich committed relationship can result in feelings of profound loss and sadness. The more rewarding the love, the greater loss. Taking the risk of one day having to pay such a price is inherent in the essential nature of agape as all-giving and selfless.
References
Cooper, L. R., & Kurstin, G. . True love . On The Truth About Love . New York, NY: RCA Records.
Galinha, I. C., Oishi, S., Pereira, C. R., Wirtz, D., & Esteves, F. . Adult attachment, love styles, relationship experiences and subjective well-being: Cross-cultural and gender comparison between Americans, Portuguese, and Mozambicans. Social Indicators Research, 119, 823-852.
Grande, A. . True Love. On Christmas & Chill . Republic Records.
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Ready To Speak To Someone About Love Relationships And Commitment Issues Click Here To Search For A Therapist Near You Today
Some possible definitions of love include:
- A willingness to prioritize anothers well-being or happiness above your own.
- Extreme feelings of attachment, affection, and need.
- Dramatic, sudden feelings of attraction and respect.
- A fleeting emotion of care, affection, and like.
- A choice to commit to helping, respecting, and caring for another, such as in or when having a child.
- Some combination of the above emotions.
There has been much debate about whether love is a choice, is something that is permanent or fleeting, and whether the love between family members and spouses is biologically programmed or culturally indoctrinated. Love may vary from person to person and culture to culture. Each of the debates about love may be accurate in some time and someplace. For example, in some instances, love may be a choice while in others it may feel uncontrollable.
How To Love Unconditionally
When you talk about love, it has to be unconditional. There is really no such thing as conditional love and unconditional love. It is just that there are conditions and there is love. The moment there is a condition, it just amounts to a transaction. Maybe a convenient transaction, maybe a good arrangement maybe many people made excellent arrangements in life but that will not fulfill you, that will not transport you to another dimension. It is just convenient.
When you say love, it need not necessarily be convenient. Most of the time it is not. It takes life. Love is not a great thing to do, because it eats you up. If you have to be in love, you should not be. You as a person must be willing to fall, only then it can happen. If your personality is kept strong in the process, it is just a convenient situation, thats all. We need to recognize what is a transaction and what is truly a love affair. A love affair need not be with any particular person. You could be having a great love affair, not with anyone in particular, but with life.
What you do, what you do not do, is according to circumstances around you. Our actions are as the external situation demands. What you do outside of yourself is always subject to many conditions. But love is an inner state how you are within yourself can definitely be unconditional.
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They Acknowledge Your Differences Instead Of Trying To Change You
No matter how much you and your partner share, youre different people, so you wont feel the same way about everything.
Someone who loves you will accept your individual ideas and feelings as part of who you are. They might engage in some respectful debate, but theyll show interest in your perspective instead of insisting you take their side.
A loving partner may offer guidance and advice when asked, but they wont try to control your choices or behavior. They also wont withhold affection or criticize you until you agree with them.
Generally speaking, youll feel comfortable when agreeing to disagree.
Theres No Such Thing As One True Love And Heres Why Thats Awesome
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Lets be real for a second: Humans have been trying to define and explain love since the worlds first fluttered eyelash.
Fairy stories about dazzling princes and swooning princesses have filled the collective imagination for ages. Once the printing press entered the world, it spat out love stories at breakneck speed.
Cue Disney, rom-coms, and everything else that gives us a direct hit of syrupy, lovelorn emotions whenever we need. Love em or loathe em, theyre a clear indication that humans have always explored the idea of love.
According to a 2010 Pew Research survey, about 6 in 10 people want to get married, and 84 percent of unmarried people feel that love is a very important reason to marry. Cohn V. . Love and marriage.
In other words, lots of us are keeping an eye out for a partner who wont throw their pants on and bolt seconds after you have sex for the first time.
This makes sense. Love feels terrific, and it can be good for your health. Esch T & Stefano GB. . Love promotes health.
What if you could simply go about your day and share little, meaningful moments with everyone you meet, from your coworkers to baristas, to access the same feeling?
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You Know You Can Collaborate Or Compromise
Conflict doesnt necessarily make a relationship unhealthy, but the way you handle it does make a difference.
An attitude of my way or the highway does not suggest a loving relationship. Someone who loves you wont look at you with contempt, insist theyre in the right, or refuse to hear you out.
In healthy relationships, both partners work together to find solutions for areas that could improve, such as communication or intimacy. You might make a few sacrifices for the sake of your relationship, but you shouldnt be the only one giving ground.
A partner who loves you will make sacrifices of their own to find a solution where you both feel satisfied.
Maybe neither one of you gets everything you hoped for, but meeting in the middle can leave you both content.