What Causes Sexual Chemistry
Unfortunately, there’s been very little scientific research exploring the causes of sexual chemistry. ButVranglova suspects it’s a combination of a few different things, including:
- Biological factors: physical appearance, hormone levels, pheromones
- Social factors: how similar someone looks to what you’ve been taught is attractive
- Developmental factors: whether someone reminds you of an earlier pleasurable experience or someone/something familiar or comforting
Have A Similar Sense Of Humor
One of the best indications things are going well on a date or in a relationship is when two people find the same things funny. Show me two people on a first date where there is no laughter or smiling and I will show you two people who wont be having a second date.
Smiling, laughter, flirtatious banter, and maybe some sexual innuendo are usually a good sign there is chemistry. Ultimately if both people are not having a good time they are not going to want to repeat their experience.
Times Flies At Light Speed
When youre in a high-chemistry situation time flies.
You might even find yourself missing important meetings or forgetting how late it is until you look around and see that the suns already set.
No matter how long youve known this person its like theyre a time accelerator because when youre around them or talking to them the clock seems to simply stop existing.
Its kind of like being in a simpler state of being:
Relationship expert and matchmaker Talia Goldstein explains it perfectly:
Good matches are people you have good conversation with, and time flies. At the end of the day, youre with this person for a really long time, and you have to have enough to talk about.
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A Mutual Desire To Be Together Throughout The Day
Whether it is being together in person, talking/texting on the phone, or email exchanges when there is chemistry couples find a way to connect daily. They share what is going on with one another as well as possibly flirt or tease each other.
A day without being in contact with each other in some way is like a day without sunshine. In essence, they miss not being together!
You Cant Stop Flirting With Each Other
Chemistry is an important factor in a relationship.
Its the spark that keeps things going and makes people want to spend time with one another.
When you have chemistry, it can be obvious from the amount of flirting you do because when two people are attracted to each other they often flirt more than usual.
Flirtation has been a part of human interactions since prehistoric times when it was used to attract potential mates for courtship and dating purposes.
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Having A Certain Feeling Of Comfort
Good chemistry can be detected by total strangers. It is body language but also that certain feeling of comfort with the other that you project as a couple.
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Has anybody approached you both and said you were a cute couple or reminded them about what true love is all about? That is because you conveyed respect for your partner. You focused on what they were saying, really listening. You sat closely, held hands or touched them in a gingerly gentle manner as if they were a precious crystal item for which you cared tenderly.
This bond cannot be created by force. It develops naturally.
You cannot force a partner to love you. You can coerce them, threaten them, seduce them, guilt them, bribe theminto being WITH you, that will only serve to get their attention and time it does not give you their heart.
Natural love must be given freely, nourished daily, and maintained. That maintenance comes in the form of daily actions which convey respect and that the other person is important to you.
If two people are focused on each other and really listening to what the other saysgood or badthat shows chemistry when you share a full spectrum of topics and know the other person will still accept you.
The small everyday courtesies doled out to the other really makes a difference. It creates a bond that others can see from across the room- literally from across the room.
What Happens When We Feel Romantic Chemistry And How Much Does It Matter
Karen Cilli is a fact-checker for Verywell Mind. She has an extensive background in research, with 33 years of experience as a reference librarian and educator.
- Romantic chemistry is often described as a “spark” felt between two people upon first meeting.
- While sexual chemistry is an initiator, emotional and intellectual connections make for longer-lasting relationships.
- Greater use of dating apps has changed our perception of chemistry and how we recognize it.
After any date, whether you’re recapping with friends or evaluating on your own, one question is almost always considered: Was there a spark?
This “spark”, or more generally, romantic chemistry, is the highly sought-after indication that a deeper connection has been forged. And while it’s safe to say that we can recognize romantic chemistry when we feel it, being able to describe it or name its components can be a bit trickier.
There’s more to it than first impressions, but with greater reliance on dating apps to seek romantic connections during the pandemic, sometimes a first impression is all you get. For many people, this has changed the perception of chemistry and how we recognize it.
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Your Trust Levels Are High Despite The Unknowns
Even if your chemistry partner is someone you already know well, there are mysteries about them that continue to intrigue you.
The more you find out about them the more you want to know.
You also trust them, and you often cant quite seem to say why.
You just do.
You have this conviction that they have a good heart and are a trustworthy person on a deep level.
You feel like you can be yourself around them. And they seem to feel the same way.
Its a win-win of the best kind.
Comfortable With The Quiet
Weâve all had conversations that drifted off into silence, causing us to panic. Is the other person bored with us? Do they wish weâd go away? Being able to share comfortable silence is one of the signs that you have chemistry with someone. Youâre happy to be there with them, even if youâre not saying a word, and you know they feel the same.
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Time Flies When You’re Together
When youre on a date with someone who doesnt really interest you, it might feel like it lasts forever. But if youre hanging out with someone and time just flies, thats a good sign you two have great chemistry. Having a good conversation and a good connection will make everything else disappear, including the sense of time, Diana Venckunaite, certified life and relationship coach, tells Bustle. Youre captured by the ease of everything unfolding right in front of you, finding things in common, and you have a curiosity to see whats next. This goes back to feeling at ease and comfortable with them. When you can spend time talking for hours, youll really have an opportunity to get to know each other in-depth.
Their Body Language Tells You So
One of the easiest ways to tell what someone is thinking is by examining their body language for clues. When theres emotional chemistry between you, their body language tells you that you are not alone.
For one, they look for the flimsiest excuses to be close to you or even touch your body, they lean into you during a conversation, and you may even find their hands reaching out to you on several occasions throughout the time you spend together.
Not sure if you are alone in this attraction? Evaluate their body language for insight.
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You Can Remember The Smallest Details About Them Even When They Dont Actively Tell You
Do you remember how he likes his coffee black and with 2 cubes of sugar?
Now, wait. Did he tell you that or did you just observe it the last time you went to Starbucks for a quick early morning bite?
One of the main signs of chemistry between a man and a woman is that both of them remember the smallest details about themselves. Whats more interesting is that sometimes, these details are things they get to learn about the other person by keen observation.
Each Of Them Likes Who They Are When They Are Together
Ultimately good chemistry comes down to how each person feels about themselves when they are together. At the risk of sounding corny, they feel at home when they are together regardless of whatever activity they may or may not be engaged in.
Some of the most intimate moments a couple experiences can take place in silence. Watching a sunset together, holding hands while walking, or snuggling on the sofa while watching TV together.
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Time Flies When You Are With Them
One glance at your wristwatch, and you summarize that the night is still young. You believe that it is only 30 minutes that have passed when you check again, only to be shocked when you discover that you have spent 5 hours together, and you dont even feel any less excited than you felt when you just started hanging out.
Now, thats real chemistry!
You Always Want Each Others Attention
Even if the attention of the whole world is on you, you wouldnt feel energized and comfortable to continue whatever you were doing if you havent yet gotten the attention of the one with whom you have intense chemistry.
To you, their attention is like fuel to a flame. It keeps you going, and it is your full assignment to ensure that you always have it.
Thankfully, they seem to have this same challenge as well. You would notice them doing the most ridiculous things just to ensure that your eyes are always on them.
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You’re Hyper Aware Of Their Touch
When you have good chemistry with someone, youre naturally going to find ways to get physically closer and maybe even touch. Continuously catching yourself getting a rush from their hand grazing yours, or even a playful touch on the arm from laughing, shows that you enjoy their company on a more romantic level, Trombetti says. When you get excited from touching them, whether on purpose or by accident, its a sign that the physical chemistry is definitely there.
Too Bad It Cannot Guarantee You A Happily Ever After
I experienced unexpected and unimaginable chemistry with a stranger that started out with talks, laughs, subtle touches and ended up being one of the best nights Ive ever had. It was a one night stand, we both knew it would only be that. I was a tourist, he was a local and while we later agreed to
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You Think About Them All The Time
Do you find that your thoughts are consumed by your partner? Do they consume your entire life?
When you are not together, you cant help but think about them and wonder what theyre up to.
It is easy for people in love to be so obsessed with their partner that the other person becomes more important than anything else in the world.
This makes it difficult for you to get any work done because they are constantly on your mind when you are apart.
Theres no denying the chemistry you share, but its important to remember that you have other things in your life too.
Dont neglect your work and hobbies, dont forget about your friends and your family. The life you had before the relationship still exists.
You Can’t Stop Smiling And Laughing When You’re With Them
If you cant stop smiling or laughing whenever youre around someone, youre already off to a great start. Being around your new partner should prompt contagious smiles and laughter, Trombetti says. Having the same sense of humor shows that two people think alike and are very compatible with each other. It shows that you can be happy and just enjoy each others company without really having to do anything. According to Trombetti, this is a good sign that you two have a natural chemistry.
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Bear In Mind The Infatuation Phase
There are a few signs which indicate there is good chemistry between a man and a woman. However, there is one caveat which should not be ignored and that is the infatuation phase of a new relationship.
During this period both people tend to be on their best behavior to impress each other and try to avoid doing or saying anything which might blow it.
The word no is seldom if ever used, conversations and laughter flow easily, cards and token gifts are given just because. Romantic weekend dates or getaways are planned and sex is spontaneous and off the charts!
A novice dater could easily start to believe they have met their soulmate. Unfortunately, it is not until an emotional investment has been made or commitment established whereby people reveal their authentic selves. At that point, they start to relax and feel safe enough to be themselves without the fear of their mate automatically walking away.
Its almost a cliché to hear someone later say: He/she is not the same person I fell in love with. Therefore keep in mind those first two to three months of spending time with someone may not be a true indication of who they are.
As important as natural compatibility is it is actually our differences and our ability to accept those differences that will determine if a relationship succeeds.
Below are a few traits we typically look for early on to determine good chemistry:
You Feel Like Youve Known Them Your Whole Life
Theres a certain feeling that we experience when we meet someone for the first time. Its called a sixth sense, and its often described as an immediate feeling of familiarity or comfort with the person.
While this sixth sense is hard to describe, it has been shown to be one of the strongest love triggers out there.
If you are experiencing this sensation with the person you just met, who knows what could happen in the future.
Theres definitely chemistry between you and this is something worth exploring.
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Is Sexual Tension The Same As Having A Crush
The short answer is no. Sexual desire or lust can occur without having a deep attraction for a person, explains Miles. For many people, a crush is a combination of sexual and romantic desire, or sometimes just romantic desire , adds Wright.
Since the body’s sexual response is mostly subconscious, whereas wanting to be intimately involved with someone involves more conscious motivation, Miles says a crush is different than sexual tension. So you can have a crush with or without sexual tension and vice versa.
The clearest way to tell if youre sexually attracted to someone is to ask yourself whether or not you physically want to have sex with them. If the answer is yes, youre sexually attracted to them. People in platonic relationships dont have an urge to be close to those friends in a sexual way, Jones says, Nor do they feel their sexual zones intensify or activate with their platonic friends are around.
Or You May Not Like Them At All
“I guess it would be mutual mental attraction. But also the person smells good and tastes good to you, you are good partners in the dance of life.
I’m very physically attracted to this girl, and when we hang out we just seem to have zero chemistry. Big and little things she does all rub me the wrong way, hate her music, that kind of thing.
When we are partners in projects, I find her very unhelpful and we kind of just get in each other’s way. I’m guessing she would say the same about me. The more we are around each other, the thicker the ice. But I would bet our mutual friends are wondering why we are not dating.”
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Don’t Be Scared Of Chemistry
I often hear people talk about chemistry as if it’s a bad thing. Like we should be wary of the people we’re attracted to the most. And I understand why this is a common warning: because these people tend to bring our issues to the surface. Not to mention, a sudden rush of intense emotions can just be scary in general.
You Just Cant Get Enough
Even if youve just met you already know for sure that you cant get enough.
You want to be around them, talk or even just catch them out of the corner of your eye as much as possible.
And you get the feeling theyre on the same page. Sidling up to you, smiling when you tell an unfunny joke and generally trying to be around you.
Is it in your imagination or real?
Look how they behave in general. Are they like that with everyone or is this person paying you a little bit more attention than everyone else.
If the answer is that theyre a bit more focused on you then chances are the sizzling chemistry is mutual.
Theres powerful neuroscience behind why were captivated by someone. Your ancient lizard brain is getting turned on at an ultra-powerful subconscious level.
As Sally Hogshead writes:
Fascination and love both originate in the limbic area of the brain, the part that houses rage, ecstasy, sadness, sexual arousal, and fight-or-flight. That means that when youre fascinated by a person, experience, or even a product in the grocery store, youre almost falling in love. As far as your brain is concerned, attraction isnt a choice.
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