Beat The Clock The Surprising Psychology Behind Being Perpetually Late
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Sometimes, one of my psychotherapy clients will be late. The tube got stuck; I do apologize. If it happens once, I dont treat it as significant. But some clients are perpetually late perhaps just five or 10 minutes, but always and out of breath when they get to the door. Then I am curious about what is behind their pattern of lateness, what it means and what purpose it serves.
There are probably as many reasons for unpunctuality as there are habitually late people. Sometimes it seems unfathomable, but not always. One client remembered that his mother always spent so long in the bathroom that she made him late for school. She told him that it didnt matter, and early people are uptight anyway. In his unconscious, being on time for things had got mixed up with being disloyal to his mother and therefore bad. Once he had found this narrative, he lost his compulsion for lateness.
Punctuality Was Drilled Into You During Childhood
Did your parents ever remind you that “If you’re on time, you’re late”? My grandparents told me this constantly , and as a kid, I didn’t get it: Technically I wasn’t late, so what did it matter? It’s often recommended that parents and other authority figures teach kids punctuality early; there can be a lot of benefits when it comes to school and measures of success later in life. Nishimoto Ikuko of Saitama University, for example, writes in the article, “Teaching Punctuality: Inside and Outside the Primary School” that children who learn the value of being on time in school are likely to be punctual in society in general, through teaching kids accountability, responsibility, and respect for others.
While it’s true that Ikuko’s article examines pucntuality in Japanese culture, which means that we can’t necessarily draw the same conclusions for other cultures, being early can definitely still help even on a smaller, day-to-day scale: It gives you time to settle into your new environment, chit-chat with those around you, and be helpful to your hosts, coworkers, etc. Isn’t it a great feeling when you arrive somewhere and you realize other people got the table ready, set up the technology, and even rounded up some snacks? Yeah, it’s pretty awesome. However, it’s also awesome to remember that people get these things done because they get there early.
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Originally published November 7, 2017 // Last updated June 11, 2020
Always Late Psychologist Explains Complex Reasons Behind A Trait So Annoying To Others
Punctual people may believe that late people are passive-aggressive;and that their time is more valuable than those who wait for them. But reasons for lateness are generally more complex. The reason may be the opposite of arrogance. It could be that they dont value themselves enough. If this is the case, might they be unable to see how others could possibly mind their non-appearance?
Lateness can also be caused when we have a reluctance to change gear to end one activity and start another.;We dont like getting up, we put off going to bed. Stopping something we are absorbed in to do something else can be annoying. It takes willpower to carry out. But if we dont change gear in time when someone is waiting for us, we are in danger of being judged as selfish.
Some late people choose to accept that they are terrible timekeepers and that they cant do anything about it. Yet punctual people think they know that late people could decide to be on time and follow through.
It is only when the latecomers make the decision to be punctual that they change.
Read full, original post:Beat the clock: the surprising psychology behind being perpetually late
The GLP Needs Your Help
Your Busy Lifestyle Makes You Eat Too Fast
It take the body at least 20 minutes to register that its full.
Eating slowly is a great way to stop overeating by feeling your fullness the moment it happens not when its too late.
But if youre a fast eater, it can be difficult to slow yourself down without slowing your life down.
If you want to eat slower, you might need to adopt other lifestyle habits like yoga and meditation.
Because the way we do one thing is the way we do everything.
Short story: If you struggle to slow down your eating, you might need to slow down your life.
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When I’m Late It’s Often The Same Story Something Like This:
I’ll be meeting someone, maybe a professional contact, at, say, a coffee place at 3:00. When I lay out my schedule for the day, I’ll have the perfect plan. I’ll leave early, arrive early, and get there around 2:45. That takes all the stress out of the situation, and that’s ideal because non-stressful commutes are one of my favorite things. It’ll be great I’ll stroll out, put on a podcast, and head to the subway. Once I’m off the subway, with time to spare, I’ll take a few minutes to peruse storefronts, grab a lemonade from a street vendor, and enjoy New York. It’ll be such a joy to look up at the architecture, listen to the sounds, and feel the swell of people rushing by oh magnificent city!
All I have to do is be off the subway by 2:45. To do that, I need to be on the subway by 2:25, so I decide to be safe and get to the subway by 2:15. So I have to leave my apartment by 2:07 or earlier, and I’m set. What a plan.
Here’s how it’ll play out :
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Acupuncture As A Great Stress Management Technique
Less stress, more living Many of us understand how true this saying is, and many of us know how harmful stresses can be to our health and to our longevity. Stresses, especially chronic stresses, is something that surround us, we have to face stressful things and stressful situation on a regular basis in our business, private, and social life. Anxiety, constant fears and worries, pressure, inability to have a proper rest and get a proper sleep, depression and phobias are among the most common and the least dangerous symptoms of stresses. However, those people who do not know how to handle stresses and how to use effective stress management techniques are at very high risks of developing quite serious health problems, losing great career opportunities and failing to achieve great heights in this life!
This Is Why You’re Always On Time
We’ve made the case that late people are not in fact rude or inconsiderate or intentionally messing up your plans. But then again, if everybody was late, we’d have some problems.
“In an industrial society, we need things to work like clockwork,” Thor Muller, entrepreneur and co-author of Get Lucky: How to Put Planned Serendipity to Work for You and Your Business, tells HuffPost Healthy Living. “If you can’t count on someone to show up on the assembly line, you can’t have an assembly line.”
So what makes one person first on the assembly line and another stall in the break room?
In a 2012 blog post for Psychology Today, Muller detailed two modes of time as observed by ethnographer Edward Teller in the 1960s. The first is monochromic time, which, with the help of organization and efficiency, is saved and spent wisely. The second is polychromic time, which “is fluid, multi-tasking is a given, and personal relationships trump transactions,” he wrote. “As a result, work progress is often unpredictable.” The chronically late may be living in polychromic time — which, it’s worth mentioning, values relationships over transactions — while prompt people dwell in monochromic time.
And yet, a few similarities do exist among the punctual and prompt:
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Flaking After Lockdown: Why Were So Tempted To Cancel Our Social Plans
In order to overcome anything, we first need to be motivated enough to want that change, she explains. You need to acknowledge that you dont like how you currently manage your interactions. Connect to your values, and whether you want to be someone who is responsive and reliable.
She continues: There are moments when its important to reply in a timely manner, and others when it can wait. Get better at making those judgements. Take responsibility and tackle your avoidance head-on, keeping your eye on your values, and the kind of person you want to be.
Although I know that changing my behaviour is a possibility, I think its important to acknowledge that feeling anxious about managing all of the notifications and messages we receive these days is a completely valid response. While some people are just naturally talented at juggling a million things at once, Im sure most of us have felt overwhelmed by the amount of things were expected to handle all at once; at some point or another.
Make It Easy For Your Partner
While it’s incredibly frustrating to always be the one waiting, time management might just not be your partner’s strength. Try mustering up some compassion to give them extra support. Provide them with as much information as possible to eliminate the unknown.
“When you ask someone why they are perpetually late, they will often;inform you;that the;typical or assumed;reasons do not;necessarily;explain their habit. Even when they;try;to be organized, consider the time of others, or set an alarm, they still tend to be late,” says expert Adoree Durayappah-Harrison, MAPP.
For example, if youre bringing your S.O. to a dinner party, begin by telling them what the attire is, where its located, and when you need to leave in order to arrive on time. Or if youre meeting your partner downtown for drinks, give them the exact address and route so they can see in real-time how long it will take them to get there. For those especially-important eventslike weddings and office partiesplan your schedule to be at home when your partner gets ready. When you’re by their side, you can help get them up and ready according to schedule .
These little acts of assistance can make a huge impact. Hopefully, your partner’s time management skills will begin to improve so you won’t have to encourage them forever.
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These Are The Psychological Reasons Why Some People Are Always Late
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Some people are always late. You probably know someone who just never shows up when you want them to, armed with an excuse when they finally appear 20 minutes later.
Maybe it’s you who has the problem, and no matter how many alarms and reminders you set, you just can’t help but leave the house after the time you were supposed to be at an agreed location.
Plenty of research has gone into trying to figure out why some of us are like this.
According to human behaviour writer and lecturer Alfie Kohn in a blog post on Psychology Today, saying these people are “inconsiderate” is accurate, but it doesn’t provide a reason behind the tardiness.
Kohn suggests a couple of reasons why people could be chronically late perhaps they enjoy the attention of making an entrance, or maybe they are too self involved and wrapped up in their own lives and needs to care that they make people wait.
However, he notes this can’t apply to those who are so late for everything they dramatically inconvenience themselves. For example, they miss flights or get shut out of events they really wanted to attend. While some people check the clock every so often when a deadline is coming up, Kohn suggests some people aren’t so great at doing this.
“Perhaps they have a tendency to lose themselves in whatever they’re currently doing and don’t discover what time it is until it’s too late,” he wrote.
Or it could just be your personality.
You Feel A Need To Rush
Time anxiety can provoke a desire to rush from one place to the next, often without reason.
If youve ever slept longer than intended on a day off, you might have some familiarity with this feeling. When you realize the time, you bolt out of bed, heart pounding, already stressing about lost time and wondering how to catch up never mind that you dont actually have to do anything.
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Redefine What It Means To Be Late: Early Means On Time
Aim to get places 10 to 15 minutes early, rather than when the event is supposed to start, Morgenstern says. Thats your break-you-neck-to-get-there-on-time, arrival time. Plan something concrete to do , so even if you are waiting, theres no downtime.
Its a game changer for people who are late, Morgenstern says.
Psychological Reasons For Overeating And How To Stop
The psychological reasons for overeating have nothing to do with food. It took me a long time to realize this, so I hope you can learn from my mistakes and enjoy a smoother process.
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How To Break Your Late Habit
Khan says being late all the time becomes a habit when you know there are no consequences for lateness.
If you catch yourself feeling like you can get away with being late, you may be on track to formulating a habit, he said.
To tackle this habit if it is more than just being lazy he says it is important to understand your fears.
Often, what fear needs is more information, it needs clarity, and it needs some sort of control.
Identify why youre always late, ask yourself how you can control the situation and monitor and evaluate how late you are when you have to meet others.
Krauss Whitbourne agrees, adding it is important to notice a pattern, but also to reward yourself when you are on time.
Tell yourself the real time or date is earlier than whats required and set reminders on your phone with plenty of advance notice, she said.
Schedule realistic timelines for completion, whether its getting ready in the morning or finishing a big project, she added.
Check actual drive times for getting to places a day ahead of an event to take rush hour into account when planning your route.
You Worry About Lateness
Time anxiety can lead to a preoccupation with being late, Lickerman explains.
Its natural to want to arrive on time, since tardiness can have a negative impact on your success at school or work. But stress over potential lateness can leave you constantly on edge.
You might spend a lot of time checking clocks or planning out the best route to your next destination. This might offer some relief, but at a cost: It distracts you and affects your ability to concentrate on what youre currently doing.
Time anxiety can also affect your mood, according to Lickerman. If you do show up a few minutes late, you might feel irritated or angry, even when your lateness doesnt matter all that much.
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Psychology Explains Why You’re Always Late
Always running late?
Despite your best intentions, you show up at least 10 minutes after you say you will. At least youre dependable, right?
Chronic lateness isnt thoughtlessness or bad subway luck, its a personality profile, according to research. There are multiple character traits at play that contribute to a persons repeated tardiness, including some that may not be in your control.
But that doesnt mean your timing problem is a pattern that will last forever. If you can identify what is behind the lateness, theres plenty you can do about it. After all, no one wants to be the person who always arrives last.
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The Consequences Of Being Late
The consequences of being chronically late run deeper than many people realize, according to psychologist Linda Sapadin, PhD, author of Master Your Fears. “You’re creating a reputation for yourself, and it’s not the best reputation to be establishing. People feel they can’t trust you or rely on you, so it impacts relationships. It also impacts self-esteem.”
Once you feel motivated to make a change, Morgenstern says the next step is to figure out why you’re always late. The reason can usually be classified as either technical or psychological.